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worstnightout:

♡ | via Tumblr on We Heart It.

worstnightout:

♡ | via Tumblr on We Heart It.

mydrunkkitchen:

when people are like “wow you do a great job protecting your skin from the sun!! how do you do it???” and I’m like “there is great wifi at my house”

douchebag vent/rant

I generally avoid going to lunch with my co-workers because one of them in particular rubs me the wrong way in a LOT of ways. Today, two others and I were planning to go together because we all needed to make a Target run, and Douchebag shoehorned himself into the plan. One of the big things I cannot stand about him is that he constantly talks about having a kid. Now, notice the distinction - it’s not that he talks about his kid, but rather he just blathers about HAVING a kid. I adore kids (much to the confusion of people who always accuse me of hating them because I don’t want to procreate), and I am actually a weirdo who LOVES hearing cute stories about kids. You can regale me with the clever and adorbz stuff your kid does all day long and I will never tire of it, because I agree that they are fascinating and marvelous creatures. However, Douchebag just goes on and on about what it’s like to be a parent, as if no one else on earth has ever experienced it, and finds a way to turn every conversation back around to how it affects him as a parent. It’s obnoxious, condescending, and so, so very boring. While we were having lunch at the restaurant next to Target, his wife and one year old daughter happened to be lunching with some friends at another restaurant at the other end of the shopping center. We were all chatting about nonsense, as you do, when suddenly he just blurted out, “You have NO idea how difficult it is to sit here with you guys when I know my daughter is so close by.” The conversation came to a screeching halt and we all just kind of sat there like, um, ok… sorry? It was so uncomfortable. Why didn’t he ask us to drop him off with them, then? Or better yet, why didn’t his wife pick him up so he could join them instead? Why did he even invite himself to come with us? If it’s that painful for him to be within a half a mile of his precious child and not be with her, why stay with us and suffer? Oh, yea - he’s just being a douchbag saying that to show what an incredible, devoted dad he is. Yawn.

Other things that he did/said today to bug the shit out of me that exemplify why he bugs the shit out of me in general:

  • He stared at my cleavage, really blatantly obviously, the entire time. Yes, I get it. I have a huge rack. Yes, I actually do enjoy being ogled sometimes. Yes, I know he’s mesmirized by said rack, as he told me over and over again the one time he got drunk at an after work function. You would just think he could be a little more discrete about it, and not act like a Tex Avery wolf.
  • He told us that he is “super open minded” because he has a cousin whose boyfriend is a “professional drag queen.” When I asked if had ever been to the guy’s shows or anything, he made a face like he’d just choked on a lemon and said, “Uh, no thanks.” Super open minded.
  • I was showing my other co-workers the design for my awesome nephew’s Frozen cake and he demanded that I show him. When he saw it was a super fuckin fab edible art picture of Elsa he asked, “Um, did you say NEPHEW?” When I nodded, he rolled his eyes and said, “Oh, I’m sure his parents will LOVE that.” Yes. Yes, they will, shitbag.
  • When we got back to the office, I got to the door first, so I put both of my heavy bags on one arm, used my badge to unlock the door, and held it open for everyone. The other two (one man, one woman) thanked me and headed in, but Douchebag literally forced me to clumsily come around the door and under his arm to go in before him because, as he put it, “I can’t let a women hold the door for me.” notentirely, you know how I was left feeling about that. So gross.

That was more than enough office socializing for me for a while. Tomorrow I will once again be safely ensconced at my desk for lunch, chowing on a $2 boxed meal and watching Bob’s Burgers on Netflix, right where I belong.

(Source: andremichaux)

For burgstrum, the spider rescuer! ;o)

For burgstrum, the spider rescuer! ;o)

Even if you wind up together with him for the rest of your life, you’re still gonna get hurt. I love that people say, ‘Oh, I might get hurt’ as if the only way you ever get hurt in a relationship is when one fails. You know you get hurt in relationships that don’t fail, too - pretty much constantly. It’s not a bug! It’s a fuckin’ FEATURE!

- Dan Savage, Savage Lovecast Episode 390 (Magnum version) 

I wasn’t kidding - I immediately ordered that necklace and it arrived yesterday! :)

I wasn’t kidding - I immediately ordered that necklace and it arrived yesterday! :)

Cyanide and Happiness

Cyanide and Happiness

tastefullyoffensive:

[rathernerdy]